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Women Mentors:
Identify One, Become One
By: Alyce Heather Kirk
Posted July 2007

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"Mentoring is helping another individual give birth to some part of themselves; spiritually, intellectually and emotionally."

When I was 12 years old I wanted to be a school crossing guard. I liked the idea of guiding peers safely across the wide expanse of highway. The orange belt, draped around my waist and shoulder, would compliment my plaid dress and draw attention away from my outrageous red hair. However, this position wasn’t achieved by democratic vote. It was assigned. Thus, my first lesson in how I perceived myself, and how I was perceived, hit home. I saw myself as a leader; others had no clue. I could have used a mentor.

Understanding a mentor’s value is imperative to your personal and professional growth. She is someone who is emotionally generous, sharing ideas, sound advice, and personal and professional experience. Not your mother, best friend, or analyst, she’s traveling through waters that inspire you to hoist a sail and take flight. She makes you think, assess yourself, and embrace the prospect of change. Your mentor won’t appear magically like King Arthur’s wizard and guide, Merlin, but finding her shouldn’t be a daunting task.

Look around and see which women are taking leadership roles at work and in the community. They may lead church groups, fund-raising events, sales teams, and professional associations. Yoga instructors, CEO’s, and the woman tackling her first marathon, they exude both energy and serenity. Confident, articulate, and driven to succeed, they seem to have more energy than most and a keen scent for tracking a new opportunity. Above all, they speak to your desire for change.

Most leaders aren’t born to the task; they are groomed for the journey. Ask any successful and happy woman how she arrived and she’ll undoubtedly share that she acquired the necessary knowledge and skills for each leap of faith, and a mentor was as valuable as The Good Witch to Dorothy. If you feel like you’re not in Kansas anymore, click your shoes and mentally take her hand. Your experiences don’t need to mirror your mentor’s. The best guide will help you find your own path and coach you through the rough terrain. You’ll stop merely admiring her and begin to emulate some of her finest qualities and practices.

Since every day presents an opportunity to learn about yourself, and others, adopt the wide-eyed curiosity of a child. If you are actively listening and absorbing, lessons abound. Choose to make wise choices. You’re unique, your mentor is unique, and the world needs both of you. Your goal should be to celebrate your own strengths, acknowledge those areas that need support, and develop a mentor relationship that both find rewarding.

Nurturing this valued relationship yields great bounty when life lessons are received and appreciation is returned. Your growth, likened to new dance steps, can be measured by an objective head and heart. There’s tremendous reward in that measurement. You’ll feel more capable, and willing to forge ahead. Your mentor will share stories about diplomacy, assertion, negotiating, maintaining balance on the high-wire and finding your own ground. She will celebrate your sense of achievement and enjoy her role in guiding you.

There’s a lot to be said for ‘passing it on’. Some generous mentors have helped people achieve a career change, a salary increase, introductions to decision makers, and, ultimately, life changing opportunities. The recipients often forget this generous and sometimes subtle push from the nest. Underestimating the mentor’s value in their quest for glory, they fail the reciprocity test.

Can we compete with each other while still acknowledging there are commonalities and resources to share? Women need to build paths to each other, where there’s an opportunity for a meeting of heart and intellect. Becoming a mentor is a rewarding victory in a fiercely competitive world. You’re still in the race, but you are surrounded by good company. If the baton needs to be passed, you can hand it off to a worthy contender.

Mentoring is helping another individual give birth to some part of themselves; spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. It’s almost a parental act; a dance lesson that proves harmonious to the recipient. The process of tapping into your own resources and talents to assist someone else’s growth, however defined, is immeasurable. Wrap your knowledge like a gift and press it into someone’s hands.