MaryElise.com :: Life > Relationship Q&A Archive

Relationship Q&A Archive
By: Mary Elise Chavez
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*Q&A is posted from present to archived items.

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AUGUST 2005

Question: I have a dilemma, I've been dating my boyfriend for three years, and we're contemplating marriage. My worries lie with our religious beliefs. I'm a devout Christian, while he thinks religion is for the weak. He shows absolutely no effort or interest in my beliefs, which really hurts. Where do you suggest I go from here?

– Diana D., Salt Lake City, UT

Answer: Diana it seems to me this relationship has passed it's expiration date. A man that discounts your beliefs and has little respect if any for what you value, shows immaturity and satisfaction with his own ignorance. You need to be true to yourself, and not settle. He obviously does not fully appreciate who you are, and a man like this will only worsen over time.

Also, if you are considering marriage, you need to think down the road. When you two start tossing around the idea of having children, it is crucial to raise them in a home where the mother and father agree on important moralistic and guidance decisions such as religion. A home with a mother and father in constant disagreement as well as lack of acknowledging each other's views, will be difficult and taxing for both the children and parents. MaryElise

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FEBRUARY 2005

Question: Nag, nag, nag, will it never stop! My girlfriend of five years, and now fiance, nags like it's her job. I'm a very responsible, successful, and educated man. It's driving me nuts, and hurting our relationship which isn't good, especially before we get married. Can you give me some sort of explanation of this behavior, and how to cope.

– Bryan Y. Boulder, CO

Answer: Bryan, women are women, we naturally have a motherly instinct where we feel we have to protect and even control, in some instances, everything in hind's site. Typically, women hold the emotional rein's in the relationship, more often than not, women are the one's that are more responsible and reliable. They tend to naturally be more organized about problems, while also wanting to solve every possible issue right there, right then. Although, many women can drive their men crazy by nagging over and over, treating their men like two year old boys. But the problem begins when one side isn't holding up their end of the stick. Men tend to feel like the women are nagging, while the women feel like their man isn't fully there, isn't fully giving them his all.

Your fiance needs to understand that you are a grown man, you can handle yourself, you are responsible and self-sufficient, try reminding her of this. Let her know that it hurts you to have her constantly doubt you, and to have her treat you like you're inferior. If this is putting a burden on your relationship, let it be known that it's important to you.

However, make sure that you are doing your part, remember this is a two-way street, both of you must work to maintain a healthy, strong, relationship. Remember, once you get married, the problems you have now, will only magnify. Mend the fences and smooth things over as much as possible before you take the dive, it will help both of you to keep your sanity in the chaotic world of marriage. MaryElise

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OCTOBER 2004

Question: My best friend is dating a guy at our school, who is worse than she thinks. I've tried to warn her, but she won't listen. She's head-over-heels for the dude, but can't see the real him. On top of having a horrible temper and cheating on her, he came onto me the other day. This relationship between her and him is tearing apart our friendship. She deserves so much better, but is blinded by attention from a guy. How should I approach the situation so that she will really hear me?

– Angel N. Denver, CO

Answer: The fact that you two are best friends means you need to talk to her like a best friend. Don't attack her with numerous problems all at once. It will only overwhelm her. Let her know how much you care about her, and how you are only looking after her best interest. You two must trust each other to be best friends, so let her know that you would not lie to her. Take it slow and make her feel comfortable, before you unleash the reality onto her doorstep. With a little patience, and a lot of compassion, you two will be able to work this out and grow stronger for doing so. Best of luck to you babe! Remember, patience is a virtue! Especially when the sheet is pulled over someone's eyes. MaryElise

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SEPTEMBER 2004

Question: My boyfriend and I have been together since freshman year in high school, we're both getting ready to move away this summer for college. I'll be going to New York while he's in California, opposite sides of the country. I feel like we both need to have our own time and grow up! Do you think it's best to break up before the move, or attempt a long-distance relationship? – Shauna T. Cleveland, OH

Answer: First, you must evaluate your relationship; find your strengths and weaknesses. It truly depends on the strength of your relationship, do you two have a concrete foundation, and do you have a true connection? Watch out for 'puppy love,' it can be deceptive and trap you in an immature relationship. A big problem with many relationships is jealously, especially if you are still young and are moving away from each other. Jealously is a very powerful thing, it will destroy a relationship as soon as it begins.

This is a monumental time in your life, you are entering a new and exciting phase and it may be best that the two of you go your separate ways. If you are meant to be, you will be. This could be a truly wonderful time for both of you to declare your independence and grow into the people you want to become. Being in a relationship for a long period of time, especially when your young, can often block the individuals of becoming their own person, dependency is NOT good, especially when you are not your own person. Be aware of what kind of relationship the two of you have, before you attempt stressing it with distance. MaryElise

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